My 3 ½ year-old-son wants a princess bike for Christmas.  I have no objection to his preference, but want to purchase a bike that will last for a few years.  He rode a black bike at the store and loved it.  When we came home, he reiterated his desire for a princess bike.  Should I buy the black one, anyway, which is of good quality and will last far beyond his desire for princesses?

Congratulations on being open-minded about gender issues!  Boys can choose princesses and girls can choose super-heroes.  I don’t know how many times I have had to tell the folks at McDonald’s to stop asking about “girl toys” or “boy toys” as a Happy Meal prize.

In this situation you can meet everyone’s needs.  Buy the black bike that will likely be your best economical choice, and adorn it with a princess basket, and grips with fringe.  Your son will be thrilled and if his interests change later you have a basic color you can re-accessorize with his favorite character or current passion.

Our neighbor is 6 and has a passion for Hannah Montana and ICarly- which I’m disheartened to see is being past along to our 4 1/2 year old.  I think the content is too “grown up” for both girls.  Am I on track and when would the content be deemed appropriate?  If we chose to avoid the shows, music, toys, clothes and merchandise what is the best way to explain it to our daughter. So far- “it’s for older children and isn’t it interesting that different families do things differently” seems to work.  I am however sooo tempted to buy the Hannah merchandise for gifts because it makes her soooo excited- just like the Disney Princesses did when she was 2 1/2.

I think every parent is tempted to give their child the “wow” moment at the holidays – even when it requires them to set aside a parenting philosophy or spend too much money.  Resist the urge!  We are the ones who ultimately set our children’s expectations for what they receive.

The immersion into the world of TV and pop stars is not appropriate for a 4 ½ year-old, in spite of your daughter’s interest.  However, you might be able to indulge her - sans the images associated with dress, behavior and all the other trappings of media-made icons - by focusing just on the music of Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus.  Google “song lyrics” and to be sure the lyrics to the songs do not offend your families sensibilities, and enjoy the tunes together.   

Disappointment with gifts from Santa, or gifts from friends, can be addressed by saying “those who love us would never give us gifts that were not appropriate for us, for our family, or our beliefs.”  Let your daughter know, that there will be a time when Hannah Montana is appropriate for her, it is just not right now.  Acknowledge her disappointment and share a time in your life when it was hard to wait for something you wanted.

 Happy holidays!

Tomorrow: My three-year-old son wants a princess bike.

Send your questions to: Carolyn@engagetoday.com

When my child doesn’t get his way, sometimes he will strike out at me, either kicking me or hitting me, and/or using angry words (”If you don’t let me do XYZ, I won’t ABC!!”).  I try to stay calm and explain that I won’t let him hurt me, but I would love some suggestions on how to handle this situation.

It is not unusual for a child to lash out physically or verbally when frustrated, it is just unacceptable.  Children need to be taught other ways to express their feelings and those lessons cannot be taught in the heat of the moment.  That is why trying to calmly explain to your son is ineffective.

Commit to reversing this bad habit.  Tell your son, in a calm moment, that you are sorry you have let this bad habit develop.  Let him know that everyone feels frustrated and angry sometimes, but that does not mean that we can hurt each other.  Talk about different, acceptable ways that he can express his anger or frustration.  Explain to him that if there is any hitting or kicking all activity will stop immediately whether you are at home or out.

The next time he hits secure his hand, look in his face, and say calmly and firmly “you may not hit me.  I am not going to allow this any longer.”  Walk him to his room or another safe space and tell him you will come and get him when you are both ready to talk.  Do not require that he sit on a bed or in a corner.  Allow him to play and to have his comfort items.  Do not time the “time-out.” 

When he is calm and you are, too, invite him to come out and re-iterate the new rule – “Hitting is not allowed at our house.   I will help you learn other ways to behave when you are angry that do not hurt people.”  In a non-punitive way, cancel afternoon plans or utilize a magic phone call to help cement the lesson.  Articulate to him that when he has had some practice and is exhibiting good self-control, you will return to the park or to play dates, but for now he will need to play at home.

How do you prepare/handle a three-year-old for mass gift opening–while teaching them to be thankful. For example, the rip open a bag/gift to find the cutest outfit.  They, however, throw it to the side. In my ideal world they would finish unwrapping the gift and say thank you.